Church of the week
in Phelps County Focus Newspaper
Thursday 2-13-20

THE LONGEST WALK OF MY LIFE

There are some walks from my truck to a hospital or a home that I just dread like I dread going to the dentist. Sorry! I think I would rather haul hay most of the night or be forced to go shopping at a mall during the week before Christmas than do what I know I must do at times. Sometimes it’s a confrontation, other times it’s the ministry of presence that you bring to a difficult situation in someone’s life. Both difficult but both necessary things in life.

A few weeks ago I had to walk from room 409 at Phelps Health here in Rolla to the nurse’s station, and it was the longest walk of my life. You see, it began that Saturday morning. As many of you know, my wife Annette has valiantly and courageously fought cancer for over 17 years. Lately she has not always been able to attend church services and events, even though she longs to be there. That Saturday, Annette came to church for our Ladies Brunch, and then together we attended a Christmas gathering at a friend’s home that night. She then came to both morning and evening services on Sunday and even thought about going to Maid Rite after church that night! Less than 48 hours later she was in an ambulance headed to the hospital because of the continued progression of the disease. It seemed like a dream from the following Wednesday night until Friday. That morning around 8:15 a.m., I took the longest walk of my life. I walked those 50 feet to the nurse’s station when I would tell them to stop all treatments, and that we wanted to bring Annette home and keep her comfortable for whatever time she had left.

It’s amazing what echoed through my mind and heart after I had said those words. I felt like I had betrayed my wife, quitting before she wanted to quit, and then I began second guessing myself. Even as I looked into those big, brown, loving and now distant eyes, and listened to her morphine-filled words, I felt about as low as you can feel. During that night, as she wrestled with pain and her sheets she said, “I won’t quit, dear Jesus, help me not to quit.” I slipped deeper into a guilt-ridden night as I sat next to her hospital bed holding her hand. She often would ask me, since as a pastor I’m around death and dying quite frequently, was anyone with them when they died. I knew what was on her mind, so I just wanted her to feel my skin, the warmth of my hands, the sound of my voice and the pressing of my lips against hers.

I am reminded of several things today as I type this note to you from just another family walking out this uneven journey of life. It begins in Psalm 23:4 when King David writes, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

I first see us “walking” and not running through this valley of death. We walk when at ease and run when we are scared. We are able to walk when we cling to Jesus. Secondly, I recognize that a valley is not a dwelling place but something we enter in and then pass through or out of. The Lord promises to bring us through. Thirdly, I see that death is only a “shadow” to the Christian. Let me say, a shadow in your room as a child can be very foreboding, but just let your dad enter the room, and it’s all right. God did enter our room 2000 years ago and that’s the reason we celebrate Christmas. It’s the incarnation of God into our world in Jesus Christ. Because of that I will ‘fear no evil’ because our Heavenly Father walking into our world, into Annette’s heart, and into mine.

All of these things don’t make the “longest walks of our lives” go away, but they established for us a foundation to walk on through these times. A foundation of love, security, mercy, trust and assurance of His presence with us when we have any feelings in our hearts. My the knowledge of His presence allow us all to “walk” through these valleys in life with our hand in His, and we will “fear no evil: for thou are with me/us.” Amen.

Annette passed away on Dec. 23, 2019.

Chuck Whitmire became the senior pastor of Rolla Assembly in 1990.
Pastor Chuck graduated from Drury College and Central Bible College
In Springfield. He and his late wife, Annette, have four sons, one daughter
And eight grandchildren.